Oh, Lord I Need Thee…Your Answer, Christian?

A Christian…drawn back to God by an enormous sacrifice and gift, through no action of their own, dead to law, with the mind of Christ, seeking discernment, filled with love and gratitude, who prays like this:

  Sam Robson

Answer this: Can such a Christian answer the woman (your daughter, sister, mother, neighbor) below with lectures, law, and theory? IS IT POSSIBLE?

Below are a few of HUNDREDS of videos addressing wives behavior toward husbands, quickly selected during a full afternoon of viewing. There were a number addressing husbands behavior to wives, too (not as many, none by women). I claim no responsibility for context within each speaker’s total perspective because a victim listening will most likely hear each talk on it’s own, as I did. Nor do I convey support for any ministry – take these videos as they are. If these speakers wish to include the 25% of their congregations/listeners who are abuse victims, they will have to explain how their assertions differ in the context of various types of  abuse.

 

 (The following were hard to find – if you know of any Christian videos talking safety and God’s love, please let me know – I want to start a collection).

These are better:

Christian? What did Jesus rescue the Christian from?

Got Grace? Please pay it forward.

Blessings,

Diane

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7 thoughts on “Oh, Lord I Need Thee…Your Answer, Christian?

  1. sf October 25, 2013 at 5:49 pm Reply

    Wow, very deep stuff. I definitely have to watch all of these videos you’ve posted up here – just as soon as I get my Biology homework done. Rats. But will definitely do so, cuz I’m really intrigued after reading your comment thread.

    I actually had tried to post about my own experience with having an abusive Dad on my blog. But after just one post, I had to delete it. It was just too much. Still too fresh, I guess. And most especially because times have changed by the immense grace of God. My Dad had come to know the Lord within the last few years and now I call him “Pops”, cuz we’re like buddies. I had wanted to share my story with others, just to let ’em know that even the most cruel of persons CAN actually change. BUT only by God’s mercy and grace. And my Dad was the last person anybody who knew him could have imagined would live this long and be such a changed man.

    Because I couldn’t get myself to start my story and finish to tell all the way to the part of how we’re having a great relationship today (the anger can seriously flare up, when you try to forget what you’ve been having a hard time forgiving, right?), I kept feeling guilty for telling others about my Dad’s past cruel character. So I will wait to tell that story until some time has passed after he passes. But that’s not gonna be for awhile, cuz I just know the Lord’s gonna allow for him to live quite awhile longer in his renewed life with a renewed outlook.

    But going back to what Lady Quixote had been saying, they’re almost everything my own mother had said to me about “deserving” all of the physical and verbal abuse she had gotten from my Dad for so many years. Their marriage was so violent, that my sis and I still can’t believe nobody’s died – by one of our own hands. You know how they say women sometimes end up marrying men who remind them of their own Dads? Well, I think that’s why I and my sis have remained single. We fear the kind of marriage our Mom (and too many other women in the world) had and are suffering under. Domestic violence is so real and so damaging, which is why your blog is such a great source of helpful information that really needs to get out there. Thanks for your commitment and for sharing your own experience through your blog!

    • ranthegauntlet October 25, 2013 at 8:56 pm Reply

      Hi, sf! Biology….loved it! I took the biology for majors at 48 years old – a bit of studying there for sure, but so INTERESTING!

      Childhood abuse is so much tougher, in every way. Lady Q (Lynda) told me that she “guards her heart” by being careful what goes out and comes into her life and mind (my paraphrase). I do it too…I simply can’t afford the slide that can happen from triggering too much. So I applaud what you wrote, AND what you deleted, and the wonder of your present good relationship. Some people won’t allow the option of even thinking an abuser can reform, because of anger and fear, or recognizing the real danger in hoping…it means they might go back or try again, and maybe die. I applaud that they guard their hearts also…for however long is right for them. If you ever want to, or have time to (professor!), I would really like to hear more about maintaining faith through abuse, and about your dad’s (apparently lasting) change of attitude (you could skip the triggering parts) – if you want to e-mail, feel free: ranthegauntlet@gmail.com.

      For me forgiveness is a la Forgive for Good by Dr. Fred Luskin, a way of thinking about the losses and hurts that takes much of the sting out, so I can move on as a non-victim and learn to trust again. The loss is always there. Faith, again, is new and unfamiliar.

      Thank you for your comment and encouragement. It’s cool…as I respond to your comment, I “see” you smiling wide with a basket in your hand!! Blessings! Diane

  2. Lady Quixote (@LadyQuixote) October 25, 2013 at 1:24 pm Reply

    Thank you for your lovely reply, Diane! The mental image of a group of abuse survivors laughing uproariously over my “If you aren’t dying, I’m not submitting” comeback, does my heart good.

    I have been doing a lot of writing on my memoir lately. It is hard, but enlightening and healing. I’m coming out of the crazy closet, you might say, about my life history. My working title is GOING CRAZY: from Horror to Healing.

    Are you writing a book yet? You’ve got what it takes, IMO.
    XOXO
    Lynda

    • ranthegauntlet October 25, 2013 at 2:27 pm Reply

      Lynda: 😀 I look forward to reading the memoir when you’re ready. You have an amazing story and such good words to tell it. No, I’m not writing other than blog and journaling at the moment. Writing is fairly hard, thinking sluggish, and faith paradigm shift has me second-looking everything I say. In addition to many choices and trails to work on in my non-blog world. Thank you so much for the encouragement! Diane

  3. Lady Quixote (@LadyQuixote) October 24, 2013 at 11:41 pm Reply

    The video you have posted here, of John Piper — that one made me want to scream right from the first sentence. He starts off by reading a question: “What should a wife’s submission to her husband look like if he’s an abuser?” Then he makes a wry face and he actually CHUCKLES, something like this: “Oh-ho-ho… Oh, My.”

    If I were the type of person who enjoys watching someone suffer — which I am not — I would almost like to see him being knocked all around a room, beaten until he is black and blue and bleeding and unconscious, and then get up in his face and chuckle about it. “Oh-ho-ho… Oh, My.”

    Jesus wept. That’s my favorite verse in the collection of books known as the Bible. According to that eyewitness account, in the face of human sorrow and pain, our Lord did not make light of it. He did not minimize it. He did not make a wry face and chuckle “Oh-ho-ho… ” What Christ did, was WEEP with those who were weeping.

    There is great comfort to me in that. Jesus wept, even knowing that death is temporary, and despite the fact that He was about to raise Lazarus out of the grave. He was so deeply moved with COMPASSION by the grief and pain of the mourners, that He cried!

    Now that is what I call Love.

    • ranthegauntlet October 25, 2013 at 10:54 am Reply

      Hi, Lynda! You told me about the “not dying, not submitting” statement and it really stuck with me. In one of my DV support groups a woman was really grieved about the submission thing, and I related your statement (attributed to a blogger friend – hope you don’t mind – you maybe should copyright that it is so good). The whole group got the heartiest laugh I bet they had in a while…explosive…and I know she felt better. Sometimes apparent irreverance is the most reverent thing one can say – it loosens the stranglehold of Serious Heavyweight Incorrect Terrifying law…which somehow feels JUST LIKE the abusive stuff.

      What amazed me is how hard I had to look for good videos of responses to abuse. And how much WEIRD stuff came up with searches on Christian advice about abuse and similar search terms.

      What I really love about what you say, Lynda, is that having been through more crap than 5 lifetimes should allow, you kept your faith…tapped into the Person, the Love, the safety…and left the dross behind. I really would like to talk with you more. Is your e-mail the same? Mine is, if you have time and inclination to discuss more.

      Blessings, Diane

  4. Lady Quixote (@LadyQuixote) October 24, 2013 at 11:09 pm Reply

    I needed these videos, Diane. The last 3 videos, I mean. Although I have been out of the abuse situation for many years, I still carry the memories and the scars, both emotional scars and physical scars.

    My best estimate, based on the number of years I was married to my first husband and his habitual cycle of abuse, is that he beat me somewhere between 50 to 100 times. I left him for good when he beat me unconscious in front of our then 2-year-old son. He had promised that he would never beat our son and that he would never hit me in front of our son. On the day he broke his promise about not hitting me in front of our child, he knocked me out cold. I believe the “reason” for that beating was that I had left a steak thawing too long and it had gone bad. So he knocked me all around the kitchen, with our little boy crying and screaming. When I regained consciousness, I found myself lying on the floor, with my little boy shaking my shoulders and crying for me to wake up. My husband was no where around, apparently after knocking me out, he had gotten into our only car and left. Two days later — that’s how long it took me to rent a place and buy a car and pack a few things and go — I was gone.

    He always told me that the beatings were my fault. He said he beat me was because I brought out the worst in him. He beat me because I wasn’t woman enough to satisfy him. He beat me because I got on his nerves. He beat me because I was crazy. Apparently, crazy people need and deserve beatings.

    I stayed with him so long because I had been taught by my abusive childhood to accept being abused. I stayed because I had been taught by the church I was raised in, the church where my own abusive father was the minister, that a Christian wife had to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, even when that included submitting to abuse. My mother came over to our apartment one day after my first husband had beat me black and blue — it happened to be on my birthday, this particular beating — and my mother told me that I was going to lose my “wonderful husband” if I did not straighten up and act like a good Christian wife should. She said this to me, right in front of my husband, while crunching across the broken glass from the wall mirror my husband had slammed me into earlier that day. Thinking she must be blind, I cried, “Mom, he hits me!” My mother yelled, “I know he does, he told me so himself, and I told him that I don’t blame him one bit!” She then went on to tell me that he had the right to hit me because God had ordained the man to be the head of the house. Furthermore, she said, the Bible says that if you spare the rod you spoil the child. “So if you are behaving like a spoiled child, your husband has every right to hit you!”

    That was one of the few times in my life that I ever stood up to my abusive mother — who, by the way, never submitted to any abuser “as unto the Lord.” I told my mother to get out of my house. I still have a vivid memory of how her mouth dropped open. She was SHOCKED that I would DARE tell her, my mother, to get out of my house! You see, that’s how “bad” I was. That’s how “horrible” of a daughter I was — that my mother would find my singular episode of “back-talking” and “disrespect” so utterly SHOCKING.

    I have been married to my current husband for 9 and a half years. He is a Christian. Shortly after we were married in 2004, he pointed out that the Bible says a wife is supposed to submit to her husband. I replied, ” Yes, and in that same book of the Bible, husbands are told to love their wife enough to die for her. SO, Mister, here’s the deal: If you aren’t dying, I am not submitting. End Of Discussion.”

    There are verses in the Bible that say you need to stone your son to death if he curses you. Really? Hello? Why don’t we ever hear sermons and seminars about that? It’s in the Bible, it must be right — right?

    Call me a heretic, but the God I believe in, worship, and serve today is a Supreme, Sentient Being — NOT a dusty collection of books.

    Lynda

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