‘Should’ We Forgive The Psychopath, Narcissist Or Sociopath?

Forgiveness has been a process, key to healing (mostly forgiving MYSELF), but it took time and an approach to forgiveness that was not more control. Which the religious admonition often is. It DELAYED my ability to forgive (and find that peace) – so much crap to unload and unlearn first. If you know someone who is or was abused, and is being told this “forgive or you won’t be forgiven” stuff by church or “friends,” tell them to LEAVE, NOW. The suffering, separation, fear, loneliness they will experience by staying is much worse. They can find waay healthier supports elsewhere, who can help them heal and learn God’s love, not man’s condemnation.

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12 thoughts on “‘Should’ We Forgive The Psychopath, Narcissist Or Sociopath?

  1. barbarastanley July 25, 2013 at 7:05 pm Reply

    When the drunk who nearly took my life and that of my unborn child asked me to forgive him while I was in ICU, I said, “No.” Many people told me I had to forgive him. No one should tell another person this. Forgiveness is a process. It took me several years before I could forgive the man who took from me forever the ability to wear shoes with heels ( a short way to say he left me in agony).Each of us comes to certain crossroads at our own speed.

    • ranthegauntlet July 25, 2013 at 10:55 pm Reply

      I agree completely. So many things are a process. Leaving an abuser, making a decision, being able to believe. Your story is amazing, and I so wish you didn’t have the lasting pain. Forgiving the sheer injustice of situations, beyond the people involved, is part of it too, isn’t it? And deciding what part God played, or didn’t, in the whole scenario. Good for you for being clear enough about yourself to say “No” rather than being a human pretzel and forcing yourself into premature closure (i.e. stuffing your emotions and failing to grieve)! You probably saved yourself another kind of pain, you know, by not denying the truth you felt inside. No, was an honest answer. Which made real forgiveness possible when you were ready, and kept you in touch with yourself and God. I’m so glad I met you on Mike’s blog…interesting start to a friendship, eh?;-D Blessings, Diane

  2. kingdom777 July 22, 2013 at 3:38 am Reply

    Hi Dianne,
    Interesting. Its made me think about what the bible does say about forgiveness.
    The scripture that comes to mind the most for me was when Jesus was asked “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Seven times? and Jesus said to him, not seven times: but until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21
    By forgiving 70 x 7 He doesn’t mean staying in an abusive relationship.
    The reason Jesus said 70 x 7 was to tackle Lamech from the line of Cain who murdered a man for injuring him and bragged about it, saying if Cain is avenged 7 times, then he will be avenged 77 times. Genesis 4:24
    It was to stop revenge leading to blood feuds. The Maori in my country called it “utu”, it led to never ending tribal warfare.
    Also when Jesus was nailed to the cross He asked God to forgive them for they “know not what they do”.
    Narcissists do know what they do. I can’t find a biblical modem about what to do with narcissists except to leave them. If they are not repentant after being confronted by two or more witnesses and then the church, they can be treated as a pagan or tax collector. I think the trouble is getting the church to listen. No church should support abuse from a controlling unrepentant spouse.
    Hope you are doing well and enjoying your summer.

    • ranthegauntlet July 25, 2013 at 10:38 pm Reply

      Wow, what a fantastic comment! Every single word quotable. And I had never, ever heard the explanation of this verse. SO much of what I have been taught and naively believed has been so out of context. It is refreshing to hear background like this that is also so sensible and believable. Thanks so much!! And for your prayers several posts ago. And for the reference to your Pastor’s sermons – I have listened some, and can see why you respect him. Honestly, I am still a bit sensitive to tone of voice so have to consciously push through my response to his bold tone to hear! Weird but true. I hope this will change in time. Blessings to you! Diane

      • kingdom777 August 2, 2013 at 7:01 am Reply

        Hi Diane,
        Its great to hear from you.
        I’m glad my comment helped, that’s what the body of Christ is for. Each one teach one.
        I’m also glad to hear you’ve listened to some of Pastor Iliafi’s sermons. Yes I agree he is direct. I’ve found him a bit challenging myself at times, but I’d rather listen to him than hear the stuff that tickles ears.
        Its great to see you jumping off cliffs and getting back into life.
        Have a great weekend, and enjoy the summer. Its cold here!
        God bless, Jo

  3. Lori Lara July 13, 2013 at 4:08 pm Reply

    Diane, the topic of forgiveness is like a loaded gun. Used properly it protects and preserves the innocent. when it’s used improperly it can destroy a person.

    I love your passion for healing. You’ve been through so much and you’re using that pain to help others. It’s a beautiful thing to witness.

    • ranthegauntlet July 13, 2013 at 5:28 pm Reply

      Hi, Lori: Good way of putting that. Half of these topics, especially when we get into scripture, scare the crap out of me. I am so NOT interested in debate – just tossing out insights and information that will raise awareness and pique conscience some. I’ve had contacts from a couple of people who got right into the “God tells me the correct interpretation of scripture 100% of the time, and I’m GONNA tell you” or “you can’t believe what x or y says because their exegesis or source is incorrect.” Which is control energy that I find very painful and triggering. This is just my own, isolated, experience and point of view, added to the small crowd who deal with this issue, really. You are such a positive and encouraging soul!!!! A gentle voice. I have learned a lot from you. You and Denise have been very helpful to my healing. Honestly, I’m really most interested in MY healing – which isn’t selfish…it’s survival. I know you know the truth of that. I’m just talking as I go. Blessings to you, my friend. Diane

  4. lyndalee July 13, 2013 at 3:31 pm Reply

    I absolutely and whole-heartedly agree with this, Diane! I have tons more I could say on this hot topic, but am too tired right now… maybe I will come back later and add some more. Suffice it to say that I wrestled with this issue for decades before I finally found an answer that fits.

    XOXOXO,
    Lynda

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