Through the Wave

life-under-a-wave

credit: LortGob

Have you ever played in the ocean? I’m an inlander, but I’ve visited the ocean many times, and ingested my share of salt water. I know how it feels to have the wave seize me, toss me, and then use me (too often, my face – go ahead and laugh) to dredge the ocean bottom, while I breathlessly wonder which direction is up. This is a fair analogy of what it has felt like to lose faith. And to try to cope without trust.

blirk.net wallpapers resource - ocean-wallpaper-1

blirk.net wallpapers

Some of that was my doing – several years ago I chose to go to the dark side – anger, resentment, self-pity – not entirely realizing what I was choosing – and found it hard to come back. The last couple of months have been very hard.  Depression, stalemate in decisions, too much stress invested in my parents’ life, and also my own, for that matter. It has been a crisis of faith, of whatever nature my faith was. A wipe of the hard drive. Loading some new paradigms. Like finding which direction is up, breaking through to the surface, filling my lungs with fresh air, and looking around to see that the wave might not have been so big after all.

In the next several posts, I will share some of my dialogue with my Australian friends, Graeme Schultz (MyBroom, Hardwired to Christ) and his wife, Angela.  For the last couple of months, everything I try to write comes back to this discussion and what I am awkwardly juggling in my mind and heart.  

Faith. For me. For those who are still abused. For those who no longer believe. For everyone.

That God is good, and loves me. That He can be trusted. In spite of what the Bible says, and in spite of what life experience has shown. That my understanding of God, of Christ, formed and reshaped through years of Church, Bible study and abuse can and must be laid aside. This dialogue, mine internally, and also between friends half way across the planet, and maybe with God, if He is talking, is an opportunity to openly challenge my angry circular thinking, and form a new perspective – appealing, hopeful – ringing true at a place beyond words or reason, often bringing tears. So far, I have too much to UN-BELIEVE and learn to leave unanswered to be able to full-out, no holds barred, BELIEVE. I would be pretending,  or lying, if I said I did. Thankfully my friends are resting in Christ’s work on the cross as a present reality that defines their lives, and are not insulted by my challenges, doubt, frustration, anger…or the way in which I express them. Graeme just takes it in and writes about his faith. Direct and unaffected.

And he has just published a book (e-book and print versions), after requests from the readers of his 2012 blog: MyBroom – My Year – Asking 365 Questions ‘Bout Renewing of Our Minds at http://mybroom.wordpress.com/. The book bears the same name as his new blog, Hardwired to Christ – http://hardwiredtochrist.wordpress.com/.

hardwired-to-christ_cover_final-2

You can acquire the electronic version, at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/320346. Or, go to either blog (listed above) to learn how to purchase a soft-cover print copy.

I’ve ordered the printed version, which is probably somewhere over the ocean right now (Hawaii, I hear!). Renewing my mind is like starting over with a different language, and it takes time. For me, at least.

So, if you want to see a part of what has been keeping my mind/spirit busier than my mouth/keyboard, check out the links above. If what you read speaks to you as it  has to me, order the book!

It’s nice to be talking with you again!

Diane

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11 thoughts on “Through the Wave

  1. Jonathan Caswell June 28, 2013 at 1:28 pm Reply

    Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    LEARNING AND GROWING…WHAT GOD ENJOYS ABOUT THE MOST WHEN WE ALLOW IT!!!!!

  2. russtowne June 11, 2013 at 10:19 am Reply

    I enjoyed this post, and applaud the journey that you are on, Diane. I’ve heard it said that those who are constantly questioning, seeking the truth, and discovering what works for them are often those with the firmest faith. It is tested, again and again, and maintains its resiliency rather than becoming calcified and brittle.

    • ranthegauntlet June 11, 2013 at 1:25 pm Reply

      Hello, Russ. These are the most encouraging words I could hear! Thank you so much. Diane

  3. Summer June 10, 2013 at 7:59 am Reply

    Sweet you,

    I’ve an award for you, for the person who you are and the things you share with the world
    http://summer4soul.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/peace-is-a-free-choice-so-is-this-award/

    Thank you for that..

    Namasté, Summer

  4. Planting Potatoes June 8, 2013 at 8:22 am Reply

    God bless you Diane….I can truly relate to all you have said…when I was homeless and suffering from serious depression, it was the loneliest time of my life…not because of my difficult circumstances…but because I exiled myself from God. I have come to learn that I need to come to him no matter what.

    • ranthegauntlet June 9, 2013 at 10:27 am Reply

      Hi, Mark (is that right?) Thank you so much for understanding. Depressed and homeless – that is tough stuff. I came to God no matter what for years and years, but didn’t hear/feel answers or comfort that I needed. So I didn’t know what to expect from Him, which was made worse by scripture and what other people said about Him, and I lost the ability to trust Him. But never lost the need for Him. So, I keep seeking. And I’m hearing you….come to Him, no matter what. God bless you, too!! Diane

      • Planting Potatoes June 9, 2013 at 10:43 am Reply

        amen Diane….!

  5. barbarastanley June 6, 2013 at 9:41 am Reply

    It is so good to hear from you again. I have thought of you often, praying that God will lift the burden of pain and doubt in your life. You are much stronger than you believe. The fact that you are still searching is proof that your faith is alive. Love you much.

    • ranthegauntlet June 6, 2013 at 12:17 pm Reply

      Hi, Barbara! Thank you so, so, so much for your prayers and friendship! Blessings! Diane

  6. mybroom June 5, 2013 at 3:29 pm Reply

    Thanks Di, so glad to know you, cheers G

    • ranthegauntlet June 5, 2013 at 8:37 pm Reply

      Back at you, Graeme! Blessings to you and Angela!!

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